I want...

I want to be smarter, I want to be shorter, I want to be skinnier, I want to be prettier, I want to change the world, I want to inspire, I want to do something great, I want to seem more wise than I should be, I want to be closer to God and yet keep the same habits i have created for myself over the years, I want to know what love is, I want a boyfriend, and [most of all] I want to be wanted. sadly, my list goes on. And I find even greater dissapointment in myself for thinking about each of these wants nearly every day. i am sitting here on new years eve and i can't stop thinking of who i want to be. is that bad? is it wrong to desire to be something greater? i don't think so, but only to a certain extent. sometimes i wish i was someone else, i had more money, i didn't have a sister, i had more friends, i tried in school and got good grades. that is bad for me to do, in the depression i find in all my insecurities, i become even more angry with myself and God for not having the confidence that most other girls my age seem to have. i soemtimes sit at my computer waiting until a thought comes to me that i think is smart, i write about it and then never post it. thats not who i am. i am not wise, i don't know the world, i haven't experienced life enough to say something that will make an impression on someone. at 16.5 years old, all i know about the world and life is i don't like it at all.